maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
