If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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