Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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