I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
