he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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