Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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