brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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