Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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