I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
