anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
