omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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