Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
