fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
