My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
