the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
