last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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