Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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