Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
