it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
