I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
