Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
