Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
