I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
