Got a toothbrush?
I'm jealous of your bromance
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
