Ambien. No doubt about it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
