paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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