so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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