Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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