I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
