I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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