Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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