I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
