Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
