i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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