laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
