Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
