it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
