Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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