I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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