I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
