I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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