you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
