That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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