Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
