You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you still have your period?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
