you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
