i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
