Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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