I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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