Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
