When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
