Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
