Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
