hotel room ftw
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
