Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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