Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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