Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
