We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i came on her dog
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
