remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
