My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
