which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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