WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
only you would photoshop your dick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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