I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
